So, it's finally over.
Yes, finally. I've been looking forward to it. One year of pain and agony... worry and tears.
I deserve better.
I used to love you, and I probably still have some feelings for you left in my bleeding heart and soul, yet I am healing myself with my own interests and the vision of a bright future, and thus, thinking about you isn't something I will be doing that much anymore.
Memories keep coming back. The good ones hurt more than the bad ones do, to quote my favourite band.
You cheated on me, and you never told me. Well, guess what? I knew it all the time.
So when I wrote you that goodbye email yesterday, I felt that I had the power to change everything. Right in my fingertips. And so I did, as my fingers played a symphony on the keyboard.
You replied. I didn't want you to. I had blocked my emotions, locked them into a chamber in my soul where nobody could find them. When I saw your name on my MSN alert window, the only thing I thought was "Damnit, I don't want to read your stupid email".
Because of my very intelligent goodbye email (yes, I know that I'm intelligent; I'm a GIRL), you dared to answer the goodbye email with a farewell of your own. Really, I don't give a damn whether you wanted to be my husband or not. You just said it yourself; wanted to. Now that you're dating TWO women (no explanation needed, because I know this too), I know that I'm truly free, free from you.
I put an end to the fire in my soul, and I'm happy that I did. I will be so much better without you.
You may go and do whatever you want to do with your life. If you end up being happy, well, good for you. If you end up being unhappy, then I shall say: "Good thing that I'm not his girlfriend."
Forever not yours.
//s13
Melancholic, yet free as a bird