Here's what I WOULD tell him if his fucking cell phone would actually work:
Okay, look. Here's where I'm coming from. I know I've been weird. I know I've been psycho. But the thing is, I was in a relationship for 5 years with someone who treated me like crap, but I put up with him because I loved him and I didn't think anyone else would ever want to put up with my shit.
Then there was 2 years of on and off bullshit with us, and just recently I've come to the realization that I just don't need him anymore. Unfortunately, you are the first guy since him. Unfortunately, I was not born to know how to date new people. I often say and do the wrong thing, and sometimes it makes me charming, but most of the time it makes me psycho.
I just got caught up in it, okay? I got caught up in the flirtation we've had for months. I got caught up in the way you make me feel when you're sitting right next to me.. I'm so completely attracted to you that I can hardly stand it. I got caught up in the phone conversations and the way you live 13 minutes from me and how you compliment me every time you see me.
I now understand that you don't want a relationship right now. You're busy with lots of shit, and I can dig that. I'm about to start a new job, so a relationship probably wouldn't be so good for me either. I can handle that. I can just chill out, have patience, work on my own shit, and just have fun with you.
One more thing.. sex IS a big deal for me. I don't understand why you think I'm the kind of person who could handle sex so casually. How could you get that impression of me? What about me, in my demeanor and my past and my conversations with you.. what about me says that I could handle that? Yes, I enjoyed it. Yes, I want to possibly do it again because it was fucking amazing. But dude.. why do you think I'm freaking out right now?
So.. I'm sorry. I hope we can move past this, but if we can't, that's okay too. Thanks for making me feel like there is someone out there besides my ex that can find me attractive and want to hang out with me. I'm sorry I fucked it up, but.. I just didn't know. I'll know in the future. It's unfortunate that you had to be the first, but that's what happened, and there's nothing I can do or say to make that different. If you'll just be patient with me, I'll dial down the psycho and lighten up the mood.
Okay?
Thanks.
Your bank groupie,
S9