You know what hurts the most? That he was the one, out of all the boys this year, that I thought was least capable of being an asshole, and it turns out he was the biggest one.
I really hope he loses sleep over this one. I hope that when he tries to drift away to the world of peaceful slumber, his mind won't let him stop thinking about the girl he totally fucked over. Okay, so maybe he did it so he wouldn't mislead me or something and make me think that there was still a chance with us, but guess what? Even when I thought he moved 1,000 miles away I still wanted a chance with him. And now that I know he didn't, now that I know I'm about as insignificant in his life as a dung beetle, it hurts that much more.
I'm so tired of this. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to "date" someone just to find out they're the exact opposite of who they say they are. I don't want to put my faith in someone and center my whole life around them just because they like me and want to get to know me better. I can't do it anymore, it's destroying me, and it's just not fun anymore.
I just hate that the thing I want most in life is the one thing I'm furthest away from right now. I just want true love, and it seems like that's just not in the cards right now.
I hate boys.
-S9-